the mEp                                 2001
Lyrics of Life

february is here!

tues. January 30 2001

"life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. it is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
   most do not fully see this truth. instead, they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and the difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy." - m scott peck, 'The Road Less Traveled"

The stories one clings to when one's website has been obliterated: totally and completely without enough notice! ARGH! My beloved VIF please forgive me!
and so Poots has nothing wonderful to say in a sad state of PMS, the blustery wind takes with it my angst and feverously hunched shoulders.


Sat. January 27 2001

if all of a sudden you notice that advertising all seems to be directed at families, it means you're getting older.

Thursday, January 25 2001

nothing is getting scarier; i'm quite confident and perhaps dulled into change-accepting since having moved 3000 mmiles away and back. it was easy to become accustomed to this place, the new location of the utensils or where the CDs are stacked. i didn't even notice it was happening, and perhaps the same is happening on the third floor. the hum of the Decarie expressway, is now with me all the day long. what an odd thing.


the lighted geraniums are happy; the gardenia has a lone white blossom, a miracle that signals longer periods of sunglight per day landing on it through the slats of wood and the window pane and the two duplexes that sit side by side, in the winter and the other seasons too. blossoms in january in this city are like eternal signs of hope all wrapped up and presented for viewing. the delicious scent it radiates in the dining room is so luxurious that one would think in 2001 that such a thing can ony be purchased and placed on display.


buzzness is about. the small of my back sends a dull ache up my spine, throw away the demons of stupidity! and gather your energy for yourself.
you will use it better for others that way.
run, run.

January 22

January 21
when somebody loved me...

January 20 - Satur(n)DAY - shortly after waking

i was drawn from the other rooms to share a private moment. woken out of the deepest of slumbers and dreaming the idyllicest of dreams; i awoke with an imeasurable sense of peace, as if i am 21 again, or as if i had spent the evening first alone with a special friend and a beer, and then out to dinner in a tiny ethnic restaurant downntown with a group of people who each converse readily about just about anything. both of us in particular were drawn to the dainty sicilian and as things would go, she and i both know some of the same geneticists.
she is knee deep in PAGE (PolyAcrilymide Gel Electrophoresis) and me, in PAGEs of Service Level Agreements). can you see the difference?

so the bright winter sun greets my squinty morning eyes as i mull. from playdough to plato, this weekend has already been moulded into something extremely profound. i just can't wait for the rest.
but now i'm talking out loud.

and the truth of it is, that i felt that God was with me when i woke up this morning. i'm starting to think maybe it's been him all along. to have joined the Astra Pain Research Unit in 1994, to have plodded through html manuals in 1996 and FTPed my first mEp page in October of 1996, to have met my mentor and friend carolyn in early 1997 at a Gala in Washington, to have packed up and moved to california and then done the same in reverse in 1998, and since then, to have met and befriended the person responsible for as well as the people who have supported me both in the job i had yesterday and the one i begin on monday, i have perhaps done none of this alone, and thank God for that.


January 18 - ThursDAY

what a gamut us humans run. from meek nay-sayers to the artsy achievers in the car next to me. for some, to love and be loved; for some, to succeed in providing for themselves, their families; for some, to drive a fast car; for some, to have respect; for some, to create; for some, to change the lives around them; and for some, to change the world around them! what a marvelous combination of humanality, a precious and fine balance of the output of who we all are; something that is immeasurable by any of the great tools we have created. each of us having our own guage, and each not deriving the same numbers.


on a day that the lights went out (jan.17 2001), i'm in 'surge of power' mode. like the galaxy quest ship carrying metal mines in it's path, i was in the negative and have had a shift of charge. i never know if it comes from within; or without; or merely a combination of the sun and the moon; or perhaps even in one word someone has said to me - but the direction has changed and the post-holiday slump has ended. again on the top of the proverbial heap, i strut by myself with a confidence that exudes the qualities which keep people on my side. or in the very least, keeps me on my side.

and so with this, i stand tall; i feel united with nothing and something all at once; i can gather momentum in my own mind regardless of what anything thinks i know or don't know. i can decide to run a marathon, sing out loud, know my ABCs, or leave one department and join another, without baggage; without pain; with an actual concern for the entire good. and that last line is the crux of what is going on here, which is when there's enough energy on the