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Greetings and Hello!

December 31, 1996.

I hear people say "'Everyone else's life seems so much more interesting than mine." I am here saying "So many people's lives are so boring"...There are actually few people who I envy these days and that's good.

said she-
for me-

is all i truly know
is all i have to show

to you the part of me
of you that shows.


midst coughing fits i wrack my brain for words and thoughts although in vain
the words are few for much is done
and much has passed and much was fun.


tis us who learned and gained a few
is we who watch
is we who knew
what must be done while waiting here
for us to know
for them to hear.


the people went on their merry lives said she, they pranced in turn. she looked upon them, each by each, and saw not one - but nothing there. She saw not lives, not lived, not died, she saw not smiles, not faces- The merriment that once she knew is now a look, a stare, a view. A peephole into what they now know and have but learned and have but shown. They take what they have been given and live it - yes - this is grand. But once it has been used up - on what do they stand? For what, she asks, and where is it? For their own lives, their own merit? A self-serving thing, is perhaps to say, the ball rolls on by night by day. The gas is pumped the fuel is used the meter ticks the world is viewed. here is it, the loss, the fate she wants to know-shared not by most and dare not show. another song of words displayed, does not much harm, does not much weigh. The weight will change when it is read-the value of living, or of the dead. The perception is all, all and all there is, and when it is none-they are we and we are one.


this is what i come up with at the end of another year. why is this year different from any other? because it isn't. the sum of all that has come to pass here, adds up to something which has happened over and over again since the beginning of time. It adds up to me and you. It adds up to us.


wishing i had something beautiful to say
accepting that i don't
hoping that my essence will be portrayed
in the medium i know best
the method of myself
and here's to you
and your essence too.

December 30,1996.

New Year's resoluted times...

"The seat of knowledge is in the head; of wisdom, in the heart.
We are sure to judge wrong if we do not feel right."

she's asking the right questions-has the right concern. She may not think i do and i hope she knows. all of us are here, being thankful for what we have before it is taken from us. Coming and going and waiting to see what event will change us forever next.

the house could be neater.
less money could be spent.
but today, we are both here.
today, we are alive.
rejoicing in our own little way.
giving thanks
giving praise

chipping or buliding? I'm not immune to what is going on, I see the faces, I hear the voices. Somehow the interaction is just not there. The interests differs, even though the conversation may flow. The focus, or lack thereof. Depends how you look at it. Would like to think I'm a builder and not a chipper. I know the highs and the lows.

December 29,1996.

In the Calendar year spanning my thirty and thirty-first years, I had the great misfortune to attend the funerals of two very young people.

After a party, I am generally the first one up. Tormented by thoughts of guilt and fear for the retrospective success of the event, I am unable to return to sleeping. Once up, I am then plagued by analytical thoughts much like these.

The coffee quells the torment and allows for a clearer vision of what really happened. I wander about room to room reliving as many moments as i am able to. reliving - or living? Thoughts are fleeting as hostess. Fleeting, precious, and few.

I thought the time from 5:00 to 8:00 pm had passed quickly - Ha! The first time I even stole a glance at a time piece after 8 PM it was 10:30. And after that, 1:45 AM. The time of a hostess is very different from that of the guests, and rightly so. I remember one conversation about paint. And about someone's computer being on their living room table.

Elaine's sweet voice still rings in my ears, and John's smile in my heart.

December 28, 1996.

What do you know about?
Maybe you know about hockey. Maybe you know about how to run a glue gun. Maybe you know about network administrations. Maybe you know about candle making. Maybe, just maybe, you know how to play guitar.

I know about wine. If you put a bottle in front of me, I can tell you where you bought it. I can tell you if it came from the depanneur. I know if you made it yourself. I know if it comes from France. I know if it was grown in California, and I can tell, just by smelling it, that it isn't 100% Zinfandel. And maybe if it's been open a while it will smell more like Zinfandel.

People know different things. They like different things. They know what they like - but they don't know what they don't know. And they know what they know.

merry zinfandel.
merry programming
merry life.
merry happiness
merry me
merry you

Welcome to MEP NOEL. what is MEP NOEL? Well, when you're sitting around the house on Christmas eve wondering what do to, and you decide to sit at the computer and make a page dedicated to the Season, that's MEP NOEL!

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